Why "Toxic Positivity" Isn't Really Positivity?

 Why "Toxic Positivity" Isn't Really Positivity?

Although it is not a medical word, toxic optimism has entered our common lexicon. That is currently the trendiest buzzword. Toxic positivity is usefully explained by Psychology Today, which provides the following definition:

"Toxic positivity is the act of avoiding, suppressing or rejecting negative emotions or experiences. This may take the form of denying your own emotions or someone else denying your emotions, insisting on positive thinking instead."

Example: You text your friend to let them know that you've had a particularly difficult day. You were passed over for a promotion that should have been yours. Look on the bright side—at least you have a job, they respond. Emoji of a kiss being blown. Alternately, "Tomorrow is a fresh day!" Emoji of the sunrise. That's all for now. Cheerful? Perhaps. supporting or beneficial? No. Your well-intentioned friend isn't really willing to hear you out or support you when you're in need.

I want to make it clear that toxic positivity is not a harmful degree of positivity. It's not even positive, really. Simply said, it's denial, invalidation, and emotional avoidance as usual. It's giving a platitude when connection and empathy are needed because it's more comfortable to hold back on the tough emotions than to really experience them.

We should all stop using the false term "toxic positivity," which belongs on the linguistic scrap heap. In the same way that "eating a nutritious meal" is not equivalent to "binge-eating twenty-five donuts," a platitude does not represent the expression of genuine happy emotion.

What Exactly Is Genuine Positivity?

Genuine positivity is the capacity to embrace life's good, terrible, and horrifying realities while still finding meaning, purpose, fun, inspiration, gratitude, contentment, intrigue, amazement, love, and hope.

Saying, "Everything is totally fine!" while drinking coffee and watching the world fall apart is not being positive. Avoidance, denial, delusion, naiveté, or ignorance are not the cause. Neither is it complacency.

The sound of genuine positivity is something like this: "Everything's not fine. At now, things are difficult. Nonetheless, I still have control over my life. I have a choice in how I will approach this circumstance and how I will think about it. Finding resiliency, bravery, and self-control in situations where things are not ideal.

Positivity at the Most Difficult Times

Viktor Frankl, a well-known Jewish psychiatrist who escaped the Nazi concentration camps and lost his wife, mother, father, and brother in the Holocaust, provides one of the most potent illustrations of positivity. In his book Man's Quest for Meaning, Viktor Frankl makes the claim that, if we can discover purpose in life, we will be able to endure almost anything (Frankl, 1985). According to Frankl, meaning can be found in three places: purposeful work, unconditional love for someone or something, and having bravery in the face of pain and adversity.

Frankl contends that regardless of your exterior circumstances, you have a choice in how you view life. Even when everything has been taken from you, even when you are going through the worst possible circumstance, even when you are living in a complete hell, you still have the freedom to pick your perspective. You can opt for cynicism, helplessness, pessimism, stagnation, or despair, or you can opt for something else.

This is what author Victor Frankl refers to as "tragic optimism," which he defines as "an optimism in the face of tragedy and in view of the human potential which at its best always allows for: (1) turning suffering into a human achievement and accomplishment; (2) deriving from guilt the opportunity to change oneself for the better; and (3) deriving from life's transitoriness an incentive to take responsible action" (Frankl, 1985). Another term for "positivity" is tragic optimism. At the same time that you accept your very genuine suffering, you can also feel optimistic feelings like hope. That isn't either/or; it can be both/and.

The Science of Positivity

According to a 2008 study, those who have "high psychological well-being" are more willing to volunteer or donate to charities (Konow & Earley, 2008). There is substantial evidence that the path from happiness to giving is the more prevalent one, as doing good produces well-being and vice versa (Boenigk & Mayr, 2016). Helping others makes us feel better, and those who feel better are more likely to help others.

Happiness also promotes higher success and accomplishment in life. Positive affect, often known as positivity, was found to presage success across several life areas in a 2005 meta-analysis (Lyubomirsky, King, & Diener, 2005). It seems that success breeds happiness. Positively valenced moods and emotions, according to Lyubomirsky, King, and Diener, "encourage people to think, feel, and act in ways that enhance resource building and involvement with approach goals." " (Lyubomirsky, King, & Diener, 2005, p. 804).

Genuine optimism counts! Positive emotions help us learn new information and abilities, strengthen our social connections, lessen self-consciousness, be more innovative and creative, develop trait resilience, and improve our physical health (Fredrickson, 2013). Good feelings, in the words of Barbara Fredrickson, Ph.D., "broaden our mindset and build our resources " (Fredrickson, 2013, p.17).

In other words, optimism enables us to thrive even when life is difficult, as it inevitably is.

How to Develop a Positive Attitude

Call it something different if the word "positivity" irritates you and sounds overly cheery and upbeat. Give it a catchy name like "effective thinking" or "tragic optimism," as Frankl did. No matter what is going on in your life, you can learn to develop good feelings, albeit it's not always simple to achieve.

When you are going through a challenging situation...

• Remind yourself that while you have no control over the outside world, you do have complete control over your attitude and behavior. (I don't have control over what happened, but I do have control over what I decide to do about it.)

• Even when there doesn't seem to be any, create purpose. (Something happened without rhyme or reason. . ........ I can, however, find a way to make this mess into something worthwhile by assisting others, giving back, or developing personally. I can use my suffering for good.

When a loved one is going through a challenging time...

Stay away from clichés like "Look on the bright side!" alternatively, "All things considered, it's not a huge deal!" You are minimizing their suffering by doing this. Say something more emotionally mature instead, like, "That seems incredibly challenging. What can I do to assist you at this time? I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it. Could I visit you and offer my assistance with [certain task]? You don't have to solve this on your own, etc. Together, we can get through this.

 Positivity shows a person's courage and self-control

You can thrive in a world where let's face it, the only thing that is definite is that you and everyone you care about will pass away if you choose to cultivate a positive mindset. Optimism isn't glib or foolish. It is brave. It represents the height of bravery. The concept of a "toxic amount" of genuine optimism does not exist. We are significantly less likely to hurt ourselves with optimism than we are if we don't give it enough priority, in my professional view.